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The First We Feast show Hot Ones, where celebrities eat increasingly fiery wings while answering increasingly spicy questions, has a surprisingly rich history of super timepieces. John Mayer wore his Rolex “Rainbow” Daytona on the show, while Ed Sheeran scurried in the opposite direction with the classic elegance of a white-gold Patek Philippe perpetual calendar. Kumail Nanjiani, Megan Thee Stallion, and Gordon Ramsay have all worn killer watches on the show. Now we can add Jake Gyllenhaal and his Cartier Santos to the lore.
With all the wing-eating, finger-licking, and close-ups on pained faces, Hot Ones is a perfect showcase for a watch. Just look at the screenshot of Gyllenhaal tearing into a wing—there’s nowhere for that watch to hide! Even on the red carpet, where celebrities presumably bust out their finest timepieces, watches can slip behind a tux sleeve. I have to assume that celebrities going on Hot Ones know their watches are going to get a lot of screen time, so they plan accordingly.
But if you wear a sumptuous dress watch on the red carpet, what kind of timepiece do you wear to eat hot wings on a YouTube show? The answer seems to be that you go big: Mayer’s Rolex is built to blind, Megan and Nanjiana chose solid gold pieces, and Quavo brought a bust-down that could probably be seen from space. Gyllenhaal’s watch doesn’t exactly fit that bill—he brought a two-tone, steel and yellow gold Santos that he’s been wearing regularly for the past couple of years. Gyllenhaal went with his comfort-blanket watch, which makes a lot of sense for someone about to choke down the kinds of sauces that will make you cry like a baby.
If there’s one outcome you can be sure of in a big golf match, it’s that the tournament winner is going to be wearing a Rolex. The King of Sport Watches takes that title seriously, outfitting champion after champion. The list of the last few Masters-winner watches includes Scottie Scheffler’s Rolex GMT, Hideki Matsuyama’s Rolex Submariner, and Tiger Woods’s Deepsea. (The only outlier in the past five years is Dustin Johnson, who wore a Hublot.)
After prevailing at Augusta, Rahm paired his green jacket with a Rolex Sky Dweller. It’s the same piece he wore after his U.S. Open win in 2021.
An A. Lange & Söhne is an instant ticket to the inner circle of watch collectors. ALS is your favorite watch nerd’s favorite brand. The nerds passionate enthusiasts love it because when the Datograph was first released in 1999, it featured a chronograph movement built completely inhouse, a rare feat in modern watchmaking. This Datograph Perpetual built on that technical achievement in 2006 by adding a perpetual calendar to the mix. Lange is known for creating novel and slick ways to present age-old complications, and that’s true of this perpetual (a calendar that will show the correct date until the year 2100) that uses the two multi-ringed subdials to get the job done. Guardiola clearly knows his stuff.
The Washington Wizards may have missed the playoffs, but their players keep making news. Kuzma is involved in one of the NBA’s more serious beefs, with Brooklyn Nets guard Spencer Dinwiddie. There’s animosity between rival players and then there’s the Twitter-thread-level hate Kuzma has for, as he called him, “Dinshittie.” I know I just said champions wear Rolex, but as good as Kuzma’s Sky-Dweller looks, there are no winners here.
Meanwhile, there’s no beef with Porzingis, just grade-A watch. I don’t know if it’s a hot take, but I think that the Aquanaut looks best in this safari green, where it can be its sportiest and most rugged self.
That’s just Gamble casually rocking a version of PP’s Celestial valued somewhere in the neighborhood of $4,000,000 (or at least that’s how much one sold for at The Keystone). Gamble’s further prettifies Patek’s starry-night watch and by adding emeralds. There’s a lot of star power to compete with courtside at Lakers games, but Gamble, armed with silk pajamas and an A+ watch, always seems to hold his own.