I knew from the moment he appeared on screen. It was June 14, 1998, 9:11pm EST to be exact.
We’d only just met Carrie Bradshaw & co. the week earlier, and already we were expanding Carrie’s circle with a heavy heap of homosexual in the form of Stanford Blatch, or Carrie’s “other man,” as she’d refer to him. Willie Garson, who would go on to play Stanford through all six seasons of Sex and the City and in both subsequent films (though we only acknowledge the first as canonical), brought Stanford from the page to the screen with alacrity, sincerity, and most of all, charm.
From the outset, Garson conformed to an age-old stereotype about gay men — that we lust after straight men — but did it with a high-degree of self awareness and self-depreciation. “Can you believe anyone can be that beautiful?” he asks Carrie after introducing her to his client, Derek a.k.a. “The Bone,” the world’s biggest underwear model. “I keep dreaming that someday he’s just gonna turn around and say, ‘Stanford, I love you.’” A perplexed Carrie asks if The Bone is gay. “He denies it,” Stanford says. Then adds: “How can anyone that gorgeous be straight?” To use 2021 language, I knew in that moment that I’d risk it all for Stanford, for he awakened something I didn’t even know was dormant inside of me.
I, like many a gay man, grew up on Sex and the City. And though I convinced myself I was a Miranda with Samantha tendencies, I was in actuality a Stanford Blatch. Stanford and his very active secret sex life on the Internet as Rick9Plus or his proclivity for sleeping with weirdos (remember Marty Mendleson’s creepy doll collection?) or his attendance at an adult gay prom in a ruffled periwinkle tuxedo hosted by Lady Bunny? Who among us!
Stanford (or Stannie, as Carrie lovingly referred to her best friend) was a kind of gay character that hadn’t been seen on television before — or, one could easily argue, since. “Or even in the future!” legendary SATC Costume Designer Pat Fields adds. He was acerbic and biting, never not at the ready to puff down a Marlboro Light with Carrie, but also uptight and deeply insecure. He didn’t appear as regularly as the other ladies, but he had an interior life as rich and decadent as theirs.
When Carrie wouldn’t stop blabbering about her ill-fated relationship with Aiden, Stanford stood up for himself, calling out her selfishness. But he did it with gentility. When he asks Carrie to count the number of relationships he’s been in, she quips, “Real or imaginary?” His response: He giggles. Because it’s a little sad, but it’s also a little funny, and it’s true. That giggle, that permission he gave both Carrie and himself to laugh at his foibles, is the magic. “He wasn’t the limp-wristed comic relief we’d been forced to know as ourselves in the media,” says comedian Margaret Cho, who appeared on an episode of Sex and the City with Garson in 2002. “He was all the things.” When they looked at each other, Sarah Jessica Parker’s eyes would twinkle in that very Carrie way that was reserved for lovers, and Stanford.
As it turns out, his co-stars felt as attached to Garson as viewers such as myself did t. “I loved the guy,” says Sean Palmer, who played Stanford’s boyfriend Marcus for two seasons. “My very first day on set I had to simulate a blowjob on him and that was extremely awkward, but he really tried to make it as comfortable for me as possible. He even came to my costume fittings to make sure I got good stuff. I always got a sense from him that he was happy I was chosen for him because he was happy for Stanford and the possibilities that the story line offered the character. Some people are just a joy to be around. Willie brought that to the table in spades.”
Field agrees, adding that Garson’s joviality inspired her to create Stanford’s signature wardrobe. “His personality gave me inspiration and I went with it and he responded. He’s happy and colorful, I was just inspired to dress him in the same way that he presented himself. All I can say is that everytime I showed him something that I loved, he loved it too. I believe that his character was, how could I put it, infectious.” I couldn’t tell if she was talking about Stanford or Garson. I get the sense the two kind of just melded.
Palmer says he didn’t see how significant their relationship was until years later.
“I definitely feel a sense of pride and accomplishment that we were able to portray what was, at the time, the most successful relationship on the show. We weren’t the butt of any jokes but something to aspire to. I think that is a credit to Willie. You wanted to cheer for Stanford because Willie brought so much love with him into the story.”
Time’s have changed, mostly for the better when it comes to LGBTQ+ representation in media. Shows like Sex Education, Euphoria, Elite and Love, Victor aren’t just out there, they’re celebrated. But these shows center the experiences of queer youth. Important narratives, no doubt, but nothing close to filling the void of Stannie. There’s another thing about the character that I don’t think has ever been replicated with as much precision. In Season 2, Stanford is wary of meeting up with a man he’s been talking to online. Why? “He said he’s really great looking and has a really ripped body,” he tells Carrie with lingering despondency. Later, when he gains the courage to go meet the man, he panics when he learns it’s an underwear-only bar, fearing he’ll be shunned for his lack of a six-pack. I remember the pangs of watching that scene at ten years old and again, ten years later, suddenly thrust into an all-too-similar predicament of my own.
For a long time, I was resigned to be a Stanford, but I now wear it as a broach of honor. I think a lot of that was Garson’s performance, and a lot of that was the way these characters always showed up for one another — not judgement free, but with a judgment borne out of deep love, understanding and respect.
The actor Kevin McHale met Garson several years ago when the two were playing in a charity poker tournament. Theirs was an immediate friendship. I asked McHale, himself out as a gay man, what impact Stanford had on him. Like Field, he spoke about Stanford and Willie as an entity. Bonded. “To me, Willie was the wise-ass with a heart of gold, and what I’ve come to realize is that his heart and lovability fully came through on SATC. He was an excellent friend in real life, and an excellent friend to Carrie. I also think of how important it was to have someone as respectful and caring as him play such an important role on a gigantic show. He’d always try to play down the importance of his role, but we all knew the truth and I hope he did too.”
We love you, Willie.