Johnny Knoxville is intimately familiar with every body part he has—probably because he’s spent the last two decades fracturing, splitting, concussing, and smashing them thanks to the results of his infamous Jackass stunts. Case in point: in the video below, Knoxville mentions no fewer than fifteen concussions, a shattered nose bone, two instances where his eyeball popped out (gah), and a finger rupture. And if you’ve seen any of the Jackasses, you know his balls have taken a brutal amount of damage. Enough that, at one point, Knoxville had his sperm count tested. It wasn’t looking good.
According to the Knoxville, he had the sperm count test done in a “urology clinic slash sex museum” in Russia around 2005. “It was…rather meager,” he explains. “They showed a healthy sperm [sample] under the slide, which, it looked like thousands of fish swimming through the seas.” His? “four or five dead soldiers on a battlefield.”
“Finally,” he remembers, while fluttering his hands in the air in a reasonable approximation of sperm, “[we] saw two soldiers who were about to have a heart attack…and they cross. And when they crossed paths, everyone in the room stood up and applauded.” Truly touching.
Luckily his testicles, like much of his body, miraculously healed. As proof, Knoxville has two kids—and he swears his sperm count these days is “very healthy.”
To hear more from Knoxville on the Saturday Night Live offer he rejected, why he originally quit Jackass the show, and the new team members appearing in the upcoming Jackass 4 movie, watch the video. And don’t miss our profile on Knoxville in the latest issue of GQ.
